Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
