Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
