The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I had to cum in my sink.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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