Don't you send me to vm
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
