Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
