uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I want to make a zoo with you.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
