tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
