I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
