I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
