I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
And then my night got REAL pukey
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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