Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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