he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
