we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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