if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
