Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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