Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
