If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
