im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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