You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
My cat gives me a boner
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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