if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
