So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
what day is it and did you see me today?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
