not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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