dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
