Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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