when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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