Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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