How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
