Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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