life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
