Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I need to align my fucking chakras
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
