guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
