while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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