one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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