Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
