on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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