My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
