She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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