are you so shy because you have an std?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
