I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I cockslap morals
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
