I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
