Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
