fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
