Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
