They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
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