Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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