I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
