Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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