Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
