I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i jhust puked up my retainher.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
