I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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