Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
