after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
