This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
